The Trial

On December 20, 2002, the infamous trial between Jake and Max occurred, shaking the nation to its core to the same extent as the murder trial of O.J. Simpson. This event played a major role in pre-Entente relationships, as it resulted in a rift between Jake and Max that lasted three years. Although the two eventually made up after this controversial decision, animosity still remains towards Max,

Origins
Jake and Max had met in Ms. Hicks' kindergarten class at Pacific Elementary's temporary campus, which they were using during major renovations. The two had bonded over video games, specifically Shaun Palmer's Pro Snowboarding for Game Boy Advanced, which Jake would frequently smuggle to recess.

Their friendship continued to the first grade, where they were upgraded to playdate status. The first few months of first grade established themselves as good friends, and pretty soon their moms also became friends. Eventually, an entire mom squad was established, brought together by their devious band of boys.

Winter Break was just on the horizon, and the mom squad organized an after-school party at the local McDonald's Playplace.

McDonald's
The boys, comprised of Jake, Max, and several other friends met at the McDonald's next to Costco in the afternoon. The McDonald's was special because it has an indoor playplace and Nintendo 64's loaded up with Kirby 64. It was truly a rite of passage to climb to the top of that sacred slide and descend through a plastic tunnel of pure righteousness. Plus, you are rewarded with nuggies.

Our playplace extravaganza was one for the record books. Bonds were formed, blood was shed, and a young child drowned in the ballpit. The playplace was a lawless land, but those who make it out alive come out as men, or so one would think. Secret factions were born and dignity would be lacking in some of the boys who were at McDonald's that day, but that would not be known until later.

The mom squad decided to take this party to someone's house, and they decided to choose brother Zak as the host.

Zak's House
Jake, Max, and a group of four other boys were enjoying their group playdate at Zak's house. It was a large group that didn't seem to have any clue about what they should do, but one of the brothers suggested a game of hide & seek, and the remainder agreed. The game would soon commence.

Much to his chagrin, Jake was chosen by the gods to seek those who have been hidden, and he accepted his role with honor. He closed his eyes and counted down from 30, never failing to include "Mississippi" after every number. He had reached the end of the countdown and opened his eyes. The hunt had begun.

Jake searched throughout the entire household, but he could not find anyone. He searched every corner of the house, but there was no trace of them. He grew frustrated and eventually gave up. The doors of the laundry room opened and the entire group emerged. Jake was very embarassed by his failure and could not mask his shame. To add insult to injury, Max thought it would be appropriate to laugh at Jake's shortcomings.

The laughing was painful and it demoralized Jake to all time low levels. Jake decided to stand up for Max's bullshit and called him out on the spot. Max outright denied laughing at Jake, despite doing it just seconds prior. His shocking lie left Jake in a state of shock. How could he deny that?

Verbal altercations between the two increased so dramatically that Zak decided to hold a trial to truly decide who was in the right.

Jake v. Max: The Trial
The group convened in Zak's bedroom and listened as both sides offered their stories to the jury panel. Jake explained that he clearly saw Max laughing in his face and was hurt by this action. His story was short and it got to the point. Max, on the other hand, took a different approach. He started off by taking an oath with his hand on the Holy Bible. He then reached into his back pocket and pulled out a glove. "If I had laughed at Jake," he says while struggling to put on a glove that is too small for his hand, "then how come this glove don't fit?"

The jury leaned in his favor, but the decision could only be made by the judge. Out comes his honorable, Bearuch the Hanukkah Teddy Bear, the judge overseeing this trial. In his hand, he held an electronic menorah that could light up on either the left or right side of the middle candle. Zak told us to stand on either side of the bear, and whoever's side it would land on would be the victor. This would be decided by the Gods.

The light landed on Max's side. Jake was astonished. He had somehow lost the most lopsided trial in perhaps all of history. He fell to the floor in tears, and the streets erupted in violence. Looting, flipping of cars, and shootouts broke out in the streets of Los Angeles after this court decision. The social fabric of America would be irreparable.

Aftermath
The Trial made Max a sworn enemy of Jake. He refused to speak to that cunt for three years. Eventually, the two would reconnect over their love of the show South Park, despite being wildly too young to watch the series.

Years later, Max revealed to Jake that Zak had rigged the election. The side the menorah light would illuminate had been selected by Zak himself. This revelation resulted in another three years of not speaking, but this hiatus was ended by the fact that they shared a bond over their common states of being owed money. To this day, they have yet to receive that money.